Kenzi’s story

Kenzi’s Experience with Autism and a Collection of Poems

Introduction

Kenzi is a boy who once came to visit us at Chesterfield CAMHS. At seven-and-a-half years old, he was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. Kenzi began writing poetry to help tell his story about his diagnosis and as an attempt to help spread awareness of how it feels to live with Autism Spectrum Disorder.

In 2019, Kenzi appeared on ITV Calendar and BBC Newsround to talk about his poems, and he has a growing social media following as he continues to spread his poetry for others to enjoy!

Kenzi and his mum very kindly gave their consent to share some information about Kenzi and his poems on our website. Kenzi answered some questions from the team at Chesterfield Royal Hospital so that we could get to know him a bit better, and he shared with us some of his poems to share with you!

Get to know Kenzi

Tell us a bit about your hobbies and interests:

I like to read. My favourite books are the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series, Tom Gates series, and the Dogman series. I also like books by David Walliams and David Baddiel. I also like playing video games, mostly Minecraft and Roblox. I like writing stories and poetry and also making things out of Lego. I also like coding and have made a lot of games on Scratch. I like to watch YouTube, I like learning how things work or are made and scientific facts.

How did being diagnosed with Autism make you feel?

At first, I didn't understand what it meant, and it made me worried and scared. I didn't know what would happen to me and how my friends would be with me when they found out. I was also worried about what would happen to me at school whether things would change. When my mum explained it and I started to see Cecile at CAMHS, I started to understand that it wasn't going to change me, but it meant that others would understand why I did some of the things differently to them. I don't like loud noises because it hurts my ears, and I would get upset when I was younger when the class was really noisy and sometimes my friends didn't know why I was crying. But when they learnt I was Autistic it meant they just started to accept the things I did differently rather than to ask me why I did them. That has been good as I can be myself without worrying about what others will say. It also means that if my friends are being really loud and I start to have difficulties coping with it, they know and start to be more quiet. They also know that I like to do things in a certain order and follow the rules of games so when we play they stick to the rules too so I don't get stressed out and we can play happily.

When did you start writing poems?

I started to write poetry last year. My first poem, ‘I'm Just Me’, I wrote for world Autism Awareness day in April 2019. My school was doing an assembly and they had asked some children with Autism if they would like to do a presentation to the rest of the school explaining a little bit about what it was like to have Autism and how they could make us feel more included. I was really looking forward to it but I ended up being off school because I was poorly. I was really upset that I was missing it, and my mum suggested that maybe I could write a little speech or a poem or something about autism whilst I was at home poorly. When I went back to school I could show my teacher and she would maybe let me read it to the class. I showed it to her when I got back and she was so impressed with it she sent me to the head teacher who also really liked it and let me read it to the school that day in assembly. After that I carried on using poetry to explain how I’m feeling. It helps me to express my thoughts and fears and how I see the world around me.

What impact on the world do you want to make with your poetry?

I want people to know what having Autism feels like and what they can do to help us. I want to raise awareness so that all people with Autism feel more accepted and understood and can have a happy life feeling they have a place in the world and are accepted for who they are and are not judged or treated unfairly because of the way Autism affects them and because other people don’t know anything about what Autism is, or that it even exists.

What advice would you give to other young people who have been diagnosed with Autism?

First of all, don't be scared. I know that it is scary to be told you have Autism, but it doesn't change who you are. It helps to know because it means that you understand why you may do things that your friends don't or why you find some things harder than others seem to. It means that your parents and teachers can help you by making sure the things that upset you aren't there or like my teachers let me leave the classroom if something is starting to bother me without me having to explain. It isn't always easy and there will be times when you feel down. Sometimes, I don't like having Autism as it can get on your nerves when you just want to be like your friends, but having Autism also means that you see things and think differently sometimes and that's a good thing. My friends always want me in their team because I come up with ideas they don't think about. It often means you see the little details that others miss. You will also find it helps you sometimes with the things you like as it means you can remember the little details others forget and if you make your own routines and procedures for things. It means you always do things properly.

Do you have any tips for managing when you feel anxious or fed up?

When I feel anxious or fed up, I like to spend time on my own. Depending on what has caused me to feel sad or worried, I find reading or playing on the computer helps me as it allows me to switch off and escape to another place for a little while. If I'm sad I try to think of the good things I’ve done and to remember that this is just today, tomorrow is a whole fresh start and things will get better. This is when I wrote most of my poetry as it helps me to explain what I'm feeling or what has upset me. If I'm sad because I feel that no one understands me (apart from my mum), I try and write down the things that i want people to know. Like in my poem, ‘Distraction’ when sometimes teachers don't understand how busy and noisy classrooms can be and how hard it is to concentrate and I'm not deliberately doing my work, i am trying but there's just too much going on.

I have friends who are Autistic and they find drawing or painting really helps them, anything where you can release your emotions, even if it is just colouring in a book or scribbling or doodling on paper, it just helps you clear your mind and hopefully then be able to calm down enough to be able to talk to someone. I think the most important thing though is to talk to someone whether that's the person that looks after and cares for you, someone like a counsellor at CAMHS or someone at school. Don't bottle everything up because it will make you feel very sad and alone. I still do this sometimes when I think the things that upset me are silly and people won't understand. But when I finally tell my mum or someone like Cecile I feel much better as they always make me see that nothing is silly if it upsets you. Sometimes having Autism can make you get the wrong end of the stick and take things literally which may play on your mind, but if you talk to someone they will explain it to you and you will then see what it really meant and it helps you not only feel better then, but also helps you to not get so upset or worried about things in the future. It can help you to either work it out for yourself or that you feel able to tell someone or ask someone without feeling silly. If you really can't talk to someone, write it down on a piece of paper and leave it when your parents/carers can see it. I leave things for my mum sometimes on her pillow if there's something that i don't know how to talk about.

What should people at the hospital know when meeting someone with Autsim?

When people at the hospital meet you it's important that they give you a minute to get used to your surroundings before they start talking to you as there will be so many different things around that are distracting.

If they take you to a room it helps if the lights aren't too bright as that can hurt our eyes if we are sensitive to light and it mustn't be too noisy.

When they ask questions they need to allow you time to answer, especially if, like me, you think in pictures as I have to think of my answer and then put it in to words. If they start to ask a different question or try to help out by rephrasing the question it simply just confuses me and breaks my thought which means i have to start again. Saying things like I'll give you a little time to think helps because it takes the pressure off, as I panic when I think they need me to answer straight away - which then means I can't think of things at all.

Having pictures of things or information written down in small chunks helps me, as I can't take in a lot of information at once when its spoken, especially if they are using words i have not come across before like medical terms, but if things are visual it helps me.

It also helps if they tell me who they are and what they are going to do at the start so I know what is going to happen to me, as sometimes it can be scary when you do not know what is going to happen next. I also like to know how long I will be there for or how long something will last so I am prepared.

I also need to walk around sometimes, as I find it really difficult to sit still, so sometimes instead of telling children to sit down and answer if they are allowed to walk about they will be able to think and answer the questions better. Just because we are not sitting still and looking at you doesn't mean we are not listening, just sometimes it helps us to think better if we are able to move about. If I must sit and look at you which I find really hard to do, I can't answer the questions properly because I am concentrating and forcing myself to look at you and can't do both at once.

It can also help to have a pencil and some paper as sometimes it's easier to draw something when you are trying to explain if you don't exactly know the words or how to say the thing you want to.

Is there anything else you’d like us to know?

Just to understand that we do, do things differently we aren't being naughty or meaning to be rude. That there's often lots of things going on around us that we are aware of that no one else seems to notice that can be very distracting or scary. That its very hard for us to control our fears sometimes especially if we think we are going to be judged or that the things that we say are going to be dismissed. Also to remember that we tend to take even the smallest things to heart and literally. Jokes have to be funny not sarcastic ones as we don't always understand them and it just confuses us or it makes us feel embarrassed that we don't understand. That things need to be explained simply and small pieces, but it doesn't mean you must shout. Sometimes I don't know why but when people try to speak slowly, they exaggerate everything and say it loudly like we are deaf or need to lip read which actually is very distracting and often hurts my ears and makes me less likely to understand. Just speak in your normal voice, but just pause a little every now and then to give us time to process what you are saying.

Kenzi’s poems

Kenzi’s mum captured Kenzi’s appearance on BBC Newsround - click the video to watch and hear Kenzi reading his poem on the TV!

I’m Just Me

So I am Autistic,
But what does it mean?
Is it’s an invisible condition,
That can’t be seen,
Although sometimes you hear it,
In the way I talk,
Sometimes it makes me clumsy,
When I run or walk

So I am Autistic
But what can I do?
Virtually everything
The same as you.
Although sometimes I do it,
At a different speed,
I can read a book in a flash,
But changing for P.E?
It’s extra time that I need.

So I’m Autistic
But what have you heard?
That we are all weird?
Or a bunch of nerds?
But look back in the books,
Of history,
So many famous people
And inventors, you will see

So I’m Autistic,
And they were too,
Albert Einstein, Mozart, Newton,
To name but a few
Satoshi Tajiri creator of Pokemon
Hans Christian Anderson, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs,
The list goes on.

So I am Autistic
What can you do?
To help me be happy,
Like all of you.
Talk to me, include me,
Be my Friend,
Accept who I am,
I’m just Kenzi ... The End

Labels

So you’ve given me a label,
That label’s ASD
What does it mean to you?
As it means nothing much to me.

You’ve put me on a register
The one called SEN
It means I’m treated differently
But you never tell me when

You see it’s all so confusing
I don’t know what to do
As sometimes you tell me off
For not being the same as you

You’ve given me a label
But I never seem to know
When I’m supposed to use it
Will it alter as I grow?

Different Brain

They say being Autistic means,
I have a different brain
I process somethings differently
I don’t see things the same
As the average person
But what’s that supposed to mean?
As Everyone’s so different
So where’s the in between?

Some people like loud music,
Whereas noise just hurts my ears.
Some people learn things quickly,
Whilst for others it takes years!
Some people make friends easily,
Some others might be shy,
Some people give up straightaway,
Some people try and try.

Some people eat toast for breakfast,
With a cup of tea,
Whilst others eat their cereal,
With a mug of black coffee.
So you see why it’s so confusing
-As no one is the same
Yet you say that I’m autistic,
Because I have a different brain!

One Wish

If you had one wish,
For what would it be?
A fast car? Big house?
Or a sack of money?

If you had one wish,
What would you choose?
Diamonds and Pearls?
Fancy clothes or new shoes?

If you had one wish,
What would you do?
Give it away?
Or use it on you?

If I had one wish,
I’d use it to show,
The world through our eyes,
The way our brains flow.

I’d use it to help,
You understand,
What life’s really like,
In the Autism Land

I’d open the door
For you to walk through,
Come take my hand,
Let me show it to you.

I’d show you how sometimes
Noise hurts our ears,
What makes us feel safe,
Our thoughts and our fears.

The things that we like,
Which seem strange to you,
Like flapping and jumping,
And spinning round too.

With one little wish,
I’d help you to see,
How confusing life is,
To children like me.

To see the world through our eyes,
Is my wish to you,
You’d see why we struggle,
If you walked in our shoes.

With only one wish,
I’d change the whole world,
Making it a place of acceptance
For all boys and girls.

By Kenzi aged 10

Cool Kids/Cruel Kids

You think you are the Cool kids
But you’re just being Cruel, kids
You’re the Bullies in the school, kids

Cool kids, Cruel kids
You’re the real fools, kids
When you gonna learn that-
Bullying’s not cool, kids!

Cool kids, cruel kids
Come and join our gang, kids
But only if you agree, kids and follow all our rules! kids.

If you want to be a cool kid,
You have to be a cruel kid,
You have to hurt the little kid
Or the one that’s on his own, kids

You have to make him cry, kids
But you mustn’t tell him why, kids
You’ve been so mean to him, kids,
Only then we’ll let you in, kids

But listen up to me, kids,
Instead of being fools, Kids
Let me have my say, kids
It’s not too late to change, kids,

As...

You’re really not so cool.kids,
Because cool kids are the school kids
Who always help the little kid,
Who Include the one on his own, kids,

Who always try their best-kids
To help the ones in need-kids,
Be friendly to the new kids,
The ones that try hard with their work-kids,

The ones that listen to other kids,
The ones that are polite-kids
Don’t bully others or fight,kids

The kids like you and me-kids
Who are friendly, kind and helpful kids
To each and every school kid,

Yeah!
We are the REAL cool kids! and that’s really cool, don’t you agree? Kids?